Have you ever said yes to a patient, or a colleague—not because it was the right call, but because you didn’t want to disappoint them or let them down? Or perhaps because it felt good to be needed and valued? But everything inside of you wished that you hadn’t?

One of my clients recently shared a story that struck such a deep chord that I KNOW resonates with so many of us – especially women in dentistry. For the sake of her anonymity I will call this dentist, Sarah.

Over the years Sarah had cultivated a beautiful patient/dentist relationship with a wonderful woman who had grown to trust her and her dentistry. On several occasions her patient even told her that “I always feel safe in your hands“, explaining that she had felt so much stress and anxiety at previous dental offices but that she actually enjoyed coming to her appointments with Sarah. It was a huge validation for Sarah who cares deeply for her patients and for the quality of care she delivers. Ever since she first started practicing, she has wanted exactly that – for her patients to feel safe and cared for. In a sea of patients who complained and told her they hated going to the dentist it felt GREAT to hear from someone who appreciated all the care Sarah put into her work everyday. 

It came time for a few extractions in this patient’s treatment plan and when Sarah reviewed any recent medical history changes her patient reported a new bisphosphonate that she was taking for osteoporosis. Sarah’s internal alarm resounded and she immediately felt unsure. It didn’t feel right. It was outside her comfort zone. So, she explained to the patient that she would be referring her to an oral surgeon.

But her patient came back with words that pierced straight through her clinical boundary:

“I only trust you.”

“I don’t feel comfortable with anyone else.”

“If you send me to the Oral Surgeon I really won’t go.”

“I trust you and I know you’ll do a great job.”

And so—despite that inner whisper, that gut discomfort—Sarah said yes and scheduled the extraction appointment in her own chair.

The Cost of Going Against Your Inner Wisdom

What followed was a tidal wave of anxiety unlike anything she had experienced in a long time. For about a year Sarah had been taking really great care of her own mental and emotional health and had started to truly value her impact in dentistry and started to enjoy her days at work again. But now she felt herself spinning. She couldn’t focus on simple tasks, she felt distracted all the time. Despite her usual morning meditation and workout routine she couldn’t help feeling scattered and disconnected. She started noticing herself being impatient with the team and even with herself at home.

It wasn’t until a conversation with another dentist in the office that the fog started to lift. They traced her stress and misalignment all the way back to that decision—the moment she went against her better judgment.

Sarah realized that she had said yes when she really wanted to say no. She identified immediately that her stress was being fed by a decision she had made that was not in alignment with her inner knowing. She decided to call her patient and explain. She explained -again- the seriousness of the medication and the possible implications of extracting a tooth when you are taking a medication that does not allow bone turnover. She let her patient know that she would be canceling the extraction appointment in her office and referring her to the oral surgeon.

Immediately she felt lighter. Immediately she felt like she could fully inhale again. The resonance in her body was undeniable.

Sarah was proud of herself- it had been extremely uncomfortable to make that phone call and she did it!… but she also felt unsure. Was her patient disappointed? Did this going back and forth erode her patient’s confidence in her? Would it look unprofessional to change her mind?

Still—she knew. She knew she had made the right decision. Not the easy one. The aligned one.

What Happens When We Prioritize Validation Over Integrity?

What I have learned is that we, especially women in dentistry, are hardwired to be the ones others can depend on. We are natural nurturers. Women dentists tend to be brilliant problem solvers AND enormously compassionate care takers. We’re trained to be helpful, to say yes, to avoid conflict and discomfort. We are also constantly being told how to garner patient approval and market ourselves to be chosen over the competition. 

Let’s face it, we are also STARVED of appreciation. We constantly get feedback about where we did it wrong or not enough, but very few people come back saying “great job today!”. So when someone is grateful and appreciative and is asking for more, it feels good!

But when we act from that place of people-pleasing or needing external validation, we pay a price.

It may not be obvious at first. But your body knows.

Stress, exhaustion, distraction, impatience, irritation… 

It’s not “just stress”. It’s your body’s internal wisdom alerting you to your misalignment. It’s your nervous system whispering, “You said yes when you wanted to say no.”

And right here is where we get to choose to either beat ourselves up or choose to see this as an opportunity for realignment.

REFRAME: Discomfort is a Compass

What if these moments- when you actually notice how uncomfortable you feel—these tiny cracks in our alignment—can actually be invitations. They show you what matters to YOU. They help you remember who you are.

What if you could see them as an opportunity to identify what IS in alignment for you and as a moment of choice –  back to integrity, not just in your clinical decisions, but even in your personal relationships.

The truth is, when you know what your values are—when you’re clear on what feels right to YOU—you become whole again.

A Question to Reflect On

I invite you to pause and ask yourself:

Where in your life are you saying yes… when you really mean no?

That question alone might begin to shift something in you.

Because you deserve to live and lead and practice from a place of deep alignment. That is what authenticity really is. You deserve to feel WHOLE and valued and like you are enough. And that knowing is one that is a FELT sense. Not an intellectual one. 

Before anyone else can like you… YOU have to like you. Maybe these moments of recognition can be the start of returning home to you.